Other Important Stuff
by Brad Collins, Clan Gordon Pipe Band
Spats Velcro comes loose
Audience sees pink socks
Quick! Find rubber band
Do you play by ear?
He asked when my tune ended
No, I play by mouth
High A sounds like crap
Should I push in or pull out
Pipe major angry
Regimental kilt
puts powder in desperate need
Bag on fire (not pipe)
Burl coming slow,
taorluath sounds more like grip
Slow down on Whiskey
How does that tune go?
Three beat roll off is starting
Must fake coughing fit!
One more town to go
Daffodil Parade endless
Must sneak off to pub
Drones wildly howling
Put chewing gum on reed tongue
Drones will howl no more
One piper can’t play…
Amazing grace till we puke…
Try practicing, jerk
“He’s wearing a skirt?”
says the retard in the pub
Haven’t heard that one
Its time for mass bands
Hey, let’s play
Never tire of it
“My A hole needs tape”
Says the piper in public
Piper gets strange looks
Peanuts start cracking
Eight pitchers are polished off
Cloverleaf Tavern
We can’t turn that way!
The floor isn’t big enough!
Tartan Ball SNAFU!
Sporran hanging odd
Kilt bottom hitting mid-thigh
Too many doughnuts
Black clouds release rain
Plaid smelling like old wet dog
Doug Graham wasn’t here
Update at practice
Terry says “there will be beer!”
Never would have guessed
Must wrap plaid myself
Hard to get brooch pin through plaid
Shoulder now bleeding
Kelso highland days
Parade goes on forever
No one is watching
Funny smell from bag
I need some disinfectant
Did a mouse crawl in?
Drone joints needing hemp
Get looser by the minute
Disaster awaits
The sweat is pouring
My leg muscles are cramping
The pace is too fast!